umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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