tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
