I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
this is an emotional support booty call
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
