you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
