It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
