How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
