I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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