apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
