he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize