I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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