It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
