We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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