yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
