Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
