Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
