What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
