I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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