Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
