if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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