God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
