Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
