Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
