I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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