i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
