New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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