I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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