Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
