no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
