He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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