Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
