fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
