so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
