John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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