My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
