Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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