ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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