I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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