My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
