I think I died a long time ago.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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