Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
