probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
