i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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