You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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