I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
