Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
