Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
