So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
