my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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