I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
