You can't motorboat a personality
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
