when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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