Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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