Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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