My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
