Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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