So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
