why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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