I want to walk on stilts...naked
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
