And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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