Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
