Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
