Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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