And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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