Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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