just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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