Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
