so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
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There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
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Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize