her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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