Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
