You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
