Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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