2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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