her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
