First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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