i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
