why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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