i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
