You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
