evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
